Oh, what to say about this one? While the original was no masterpiece or summer blockbuster, one still has to question the wisdom of a bunch of amateurs re-making it on a budget of 27p; watching it though, that appears to be what has happened.
Showing posts with label Will says Avoid. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Will says Avoid. Show all posts
Monday, 5 August 2013
Sunday, 7 July 2013
Murder Set Pieces - Wills Review
I'm not one for multiple drafts*, but I do like to spend a while thinking about what kind of thing I want to say in a review long before I put fingers to keyboard**; I'll walk around the house, constructing paragraphs in my head, thinking about if I should mention this bit, and how I can segue from one point to another. This week; I have struggled to find things to say.
The reason for my struggle is the plot, which is unbelievably thin: A photographer / neo-nazi, captures, then rapes and kills a whole bunch of women with fake breasts.
And that's it.
The reason for my struggle is the plot, which is unbelievably thin: A photographer / neo-nazi, captures, then rapes and kills a whole bunch of women with fake breasts.
And that's it.
Saturday, 22 June 2013
Boogeyman 2 - Will's Review
As with last week, this will be a short review, and for much the same reason.
First, the (slightly) interesting bit; why this film exists:
Ulli Lommel was credited as director for both the original The Boogeyman, and first sequel, Revenge of The Boogyman, but in truth his Revenge credit only exists because of the footage recycled from the original. All the new stuff about the people trying to make a movie of the events in the first film, were directed by a 2nd unit director. Lommel decided that he wanted to make a directors cut of the 2nd film, and so Boogeyman 2: Redux was born.
First, the (slightly) interesting bit; why this film exists:
Ulli Lommel was credited as director for both the original The Boogeyman, and first sequel, Revenge of The Boogyman, but in truth his Revenge credit only exists because of the footage recycled from the original. All the new stuff about the people trying to make a movie of the events in the first film, were directed by a 2nd unit director. Lommel decided that he wanted to make a directors cut of the 2nd film, and so Boogeyman 2: Redux was born.
Saturday, 15 June 2013
Return of the Boogeyman - Will's Review
Man oh man, is this going to be a short review.
The 3rd movie in the Boogeyman trilogy is basically a framing device, wrapped around the first film.
I criticised the 2nd film for using too much footage of the first... I take it back. The 3rd entry in the series is probably 80% made up of footage from the first movie, albeit with a new VoiceOver.
The 3rd movie in the Boogeyman trilogy is basically a framing device, wrapped around the first film.
I criticised the 2nd film for using too much footage of the first... I take it back. The 3rd entry in the series is probably 80% made up of footage from the first movie, albeit with a new VoiceOver.
Saturday, 8 June 2013
Nekromantik 2 - Will's Review
Spoilers for a hard to find, crap sequel to a crap film follow.
Here we go again...
I really enjoyed writing last weeks review; despite the fact that the film was just bad (not "so bad it's good" just bad) there were still enough off-kilter parts that I could at least get my teeth into sagging it off.
That should be the case again with this equally dire sequel, but I fear my verve for criticising this series may have waned; as this is, essentially, the second half of the same movie.
The film opens with a recap of Rob's suicide, then carries on with the woman's shoe that we saw digging up his grave.
The shoe belongs to Monica - a new character, who takes Rob's green, shiny, rigid corpse home.
How she gets him home undetected, we do not; it remains a movie mystery up there with "how the hell did they get King Kong to New York?".
Anyway, having got him home, she slowly undresses him (he's still wearing his suicide clothes, by the way), licks its face, then sits on his unyielding chest (seriously - this is one rock solid corpse) staring at his dill-pickle penis and moaning, until she freaks out and runs to the bathroom to throw up.
The whole freak-out / Nausea thing is never mentioned again, ad she returns to her life of cadaver boffing with no further issues.
The sex scene is intercut with the introduction of another new character, Mark, who dubs porn films for a living. Just an aside, Mark is like everyone else in the movie, German; and yet, despite speaking German for the entire rest of the movie, clearly says at one point "just wait while I get a drink" in English. For no reason.
A recurring problem in this movie is that the casting director seems to have a thing for women who look a certain way, resulting in 3 separate characters who can easily be mistaken for each other; with that in mind Mark calls Monica 2, and arranges to go see a film with her (and really drives home to her about being in time).
Outside the cinema, Mark is annoyed to be waiting for Monika 2, when he runs into Monika, takes her instead, and the two begin dating.
The film within a film that the two of them go to see is a black and white art film, consisting of a naked couple, seated at a table in the middle of a landfill, eating an extraordinary number of hard boiled eggs, while talking about birds. We see entirely too much of it, and I can only assume that it is a short film the director made, and this was a sneaky way if getting it released!
Sometime during all of this, Minica 3 (who I believe is Rob's girlfriend from the first movie, given a new hairstyle and dress-sense, to look like Monica) visits Robs (still open) grave, and is disappointed to find it empty. This is never mentioned again.
Monica begins to question her 'relationship' with Rob, and decides to dispose of him (apart from his head and genitals obviously) by dismembering him, bagging him up, and putting him back in his grave.
The dismemberment, while gory, is not well done... It looks every inch like a woman sawing up a blood filled movie prop; and as far as the reburial goes, Rob's grabs is STILL open, and having filled it with blue bin bags, Monica leaves it that way!
Monica isn't the only one having relationship doubts... finding a cling-filmed, rancid, cock-and-balls in her fridge is one thing, being asked to pose as though dead for photographs, one almost expects in a relationship; but when he comes home to find a bunch of her mates watching a video of a (real) seal autopsy, he has to have a serious think about their future!
After consulting Monica 2 and a random drunk guy, Mark decides that shagging Monica will probably sort everything out... Except she beheads him mid coitus, straps a cock ring on his less-than-mighty erection, and fixes Rob's head onto the fresh body.
Which she then fucks until they climax together (yes, the dead body convulses with orgasm).
In a short 'sting' sequence, we find out that Monica is pregnant.
On a technical level, it is better made than the first one - although this is faint praise indeed. Certain shots are interestingly composed (at least in the first few scenes) and it doesn't have the 'first student film' quality that part one had (which, again, I'm not saying it was well filmed - just less-appallingly composed.
While Monica is trying to decide what do do about Mark (presumably this is when she decides to give him a head transplant) she goes for a wonder on the beach, which is reminiscent of Rob's nature walk in the first film (when he decides to kill himself) - wether this was dumb luck, or a thematic choice is impossible to guess but... Fuck it; I'm acting like this trash is worth studying!
Avoid.
I really enjoyed writing last weeks review; despite the fact that the film was just bad (not "so bad it's good" just bad) there were still enough off-kilter parts that I could at least get my teeth into sagging it off.
That should be the case again with this equally dire sequel, but I fear my verve for criticising this series may have waned; as this is, essentially, the second half of the same movie.
The film opens with a recap of Rob's suicide, then carries on with the woman's shoe that we saw digging up his grave.
The shoe belongs to Monica - a new character, who takes Rob's green, shiny, rigid corpse home.
How she gets him home undetected, we do not; it remains a movie mystery up there with "how the hell did they get King Kong to New York?".
Anyway, having got him home, she slowly undresses him (he's still wearing his suicide clothes, by the way), licks its face, then sits on his unyielding chest (seriously - this is one rock solid corpse) staring at his dill-pickle penis and moaning, until she freaks out and runs to the bathroom to throw up.
The whole freak-out / Nausea thing is never mentioned again, ad she returns to her life of cadaver boffing with no further issues.
The sex scene is intercut with the introduction of another new character, Mark, who dubs porn films for a living. Just an aside, Mark is like everyone else in the movie, German; and yet, despite speaking German for the entire rest of the movie, clearly says at one point "just wait while I get a drink" in English. For no reason.
A recurring problem in this movie is that the casting director seems to have a thing for women who look a certain way, resulting in 3 separate characters who can easily be mistaken for each other; with that in mind Mark calls Monica 2, and arranges to go see a film with her (and really drives home to her about being in time).
Outside the cinema, Mark is annoyed to be waiting for Monika 2, when he runs into Monika, takes her instead, and the two begin dating.
The film within a film that the two of them go to see is a black and white art film, consisting of a naked couple, seated at a table in the middle of a landfill, eating an extraordinary number of hard boiled eggs, while talking about birds. We see entirely too much of it, and I can only assume that it is a short film the director made, and this was a sneaky way if getting it released!
Sometime during all of this, Minica 3 (who I believe is Rob's girlfriend from the first movie, given a new hairstyle and dress-sense, to look like Monica) visits Robs (still open) grave, and is disappointed to find it empty. This is never mentioned again.
Monica begins to question her 'relationship' with Rob, and decides to dispose of him (apart from his head and genitals obviously) by dismembering him, bagging him up, and putting him back in his grave.
The dismemberment, while gory, is not well done... It looks every inch like a woman sawing up a blood filled movie prop; and as far as the reburial goes, Rob's grabs is STILL open, and having filled it with blue bin bags, Monica leaves it that way!
Monica isn't the only one having relationship doubts... finding a cling-filmed, rancid, cock-and-balls in her fridge is one thing, being asked to pose as though dead for photographs, one almost expects in a relationship; but when he comes home to find a bunch of her mates watching a video of a (real) seal autopsy, he has to have a serious think about their future!
After consulting Monica 2 and a random drunk guy, Mark decides that shagging Monica will probably sort everything out... Except she beheads him mid coitus, straps a cock ring on his less-than-mighty erection, and fixes Rob's head onto the fresh body.
Which she then fucks until they climax together (yes, the dead body convulses with orgasm).
In a short 'sting' sequence, we find out that Monica is pregnant.
On a technical level, it is better made than the first one - although this is faint praise indeed. Certain shots are interestingly composed (at least in the first few scenes) and it doesn't have the 'first student film' quality that part one had (which, again, I'm not saying it was well filmed - just less-appallingly composed.
While Monica is trying to decide what do do about Mark (presumably this is when she decides to give him a head transplant) she goes for a wonder on the beach, which is reminiscent of Rob's nature walk in the first film (when he decides to kill himself) - wether this was dumb luck, or a thematic choice is impossible to guess but... Fuck it; I'm acting like this trash is worth studying!
Avoid.
Saturday, 1 June 2013
Nekromantik - Will's Review
As very few people read these things, and even fewer of those are likely to see this movie, I'm going to feel free to use spoilers. If you think you might be interested seeing in a poorly made, dull, corpse-fucking movie; stop reading now , and go track down a copy of Necromantic.
Saturday, 13 April 2013
The Last House on Dead End Street - Will's Review
This is going to be short.
I was even considering just putting the word "shit" in massive letters, and leaving it at that but if anyone actually reads these things, they deserve better...
I was even considering just putting the word "shit" in massive letters, and leaving it at that but if anyone actually reads these things, they deserve better...
Saturday, 23 February 2013
Stalker - Will's Review
I can see why this one underwent a name change... ostensibly a remake of Exposé, all that remains from the original is a writer who goes to a country home to get some work done, and runs into some trouble with their new PA. It's even less of a Remake than Toolbox Murders.
Oh, I tell a lie; they did keep one thing from the original; Linda Hayden. Hayden played the PA in Exposé, and is a housekeeper here.
This time around the author (now Paula instead of Paul) goes to her family's old holiday spot in order to write her 2nd novel. The PA (Linda) shows up and, after a perfectly normal start, begins to act violently, take over the writing of Paula's book, and even murder anyone who could interfere with the writing and publication of the novel.
Thankfully, this is another short one, coming in at 77mins including credits; I say 'thankfully' because the first half hour is as dull as hell, followed by another half hour lumbering towards a very predictable twist.
Martin Kemp (yes, the Spanda Ballet / Eastenders, guy) pulls writer and director duties and, while not entirely badly put together, it is very obviously a directorial debut; every shot is something we've seen before (often done better) and, as is too often the case with first time thriller directors, Kemp obviously spent quite some time (although not enough time) watching Hitchcock movies.
******spoilers from here******
There is, as I have said, a 'twist' , and it could have been a (relatively) interesting, if clichéd one, but for one thing...
Paula keeps having dreams in which a younger man is having sex with her, and starts bleeding and dies mid-act; During Linda's first murder (a journalist after a scoop) she screams that she (Linda) used to be regularly raped by her brother... Until she stabbed him mid-act.
If you can't work out the 'twist' from that, you've probably never seen a movie before.
Oh, I tell a lie; they did keep one thing from the original; Linda Hayden. Hayden played the PA in Exposé, and is a housekeeper here.
This time around the author (now Paula instead of Paul) goes to her family's old holiday spot in order to write her 2nd novel. The PA (Linda) shows up and, after a perfectly normal start, begins to act violently, take over the writing of Paula's book, and even murder anyone who could interfere with the writing and publication of the novel.
Thankfully, this is another short one, coming in at 77mins including credits; I say 'thankfully' because the first half hour is as dull as hell, followed by another half hour lumbering towards a very predictable twist.
Martin Kemp (yes, the Spanda Ballet / Eastenders, guy) pulls writer and director duties and, while not entirely badly put together, it is very obviously a directorial debut; every shot is something we've seen before (often done better) and, as is too often the case with first time thriller directors, Kemp obviously spent quite some time (although not enough time) watching Hitchcock movies.
******spoilers from here******
There is, as I have said, a 'twist' , and it could have been a (relatively) interesting, if clichéd one, but for one thing...
Paula keeps having dreams in which a younger man is having sex with her, and starts bleeding and dies mid-act; During Linda's first murder (a journalist after a scoop) she screams that she (Linda) used to be regularly raped by her brother... Until she stabbed him mid-act.
If you can't work out the 'twist' from that, you've probably never seen a movie before.
Saturday, 2 February 2013
Salo - Will's Review
Wow.
That was without question the most depraved thing I have ever seen; and I include "A Serbian Film" in that.
There was a point in this movie, during the films 3rd segment (it has 4, each given an on screen caption) that inspired from me I think the biggest reaction I have ever had to a piece of fiction, and I'll get to that in good time; I wasn't very far into the 2nd segment before I was wondering how this film is even legal.
Now, don't get me wrong; I absolutely think it should be legal; I strongly believe that ANY faked activity should be allowed, no matter how offensive I may personally find it, but it is a sad fact that English law does not agree, and we still have an Obscene Publications Act which can be applied to fiction.
In fact once again, as with Week 83's Antichrist, the prejudices against horror and towards "Art Film" shines through. How this can be passed uncut, while similar scenes were trimmed from week 63's Human Centipede 2, I cannot comprehend.
****SPOILERS****
That was without question the most depraved thing I have ever seen; and I include "A Serbian Film" in that.
There was a point in this movie, during the films 3rd segment (it has 4, each given an on screen caption) that inspired from me I think the biggest reaction I have ever had to a piece of fiction, and I'll get to that in good time; I wasn't very far into the 2nd segment before I was wondering how this film is even legal.
Now, don't get me wrong; I absolutely think it should be legal; I strongly believe that ANY faked activity should be allowed, no matter how offensive I may personally find it, but it is a sad fact that English law does not agree, and we still have an Obscene Publications Act which can be applied to fiction.
In fact once again, as with Week 83's Antichrist, the prejudices against horror and towards "Art Film" shines through. How this can be passed uncut, while similar scenes were trimmed from week 63's Human Centipede 2, I cannot comprehend.
****SPOILERS****
Saturday, 22 December 2012
Antichrist - Will's Review
When the BBFC let unsimulated sex pass uncut without giving it an 18R (porn) rating; There's a good chance you're dealing with an art film.
When a continental European sounding name precedes a movie title; There's a good chance you're dealing with an art film.
If a film made this side of 1965 is filmed (or partly filmed) in black and white; There's a good chance you're dealing with an art film.
If a movie opens with a slow motion prologue; There's a good chance you're dealing with an art film.
I'm not a fan of art films, so the fist three minuets of "Lars von Trier's: Antichrist" were enough for me to know I was in trouble...
When a continental European sounding name precedes a movie title; There's a good chance you're dealing with an art film.
If a film made this side of 1965 is filmed (or partly filmed) in black and white; There's a good chance you're dealing with an art film.
If a movie opens with a slow motion prologue; There's a good chance you're dealing with an art film.
I'm not a fan of art films, so the fist three minuets of "Lars von Trier's: Antichrist" were enough for me to know I was in trouble...
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