Saturday, 13 April 2013

The Last House on Dead End Street - Lisa's Review

*** SPOILERS ***

So having just watched this weeks movie the question is... how the hell am I going to review this one?  I could write the review in 2 words if you like?

Monumentally Crap!!

Not good enough?  Meh, I expected as much.  Ok, lets start with a basic premis..We have a guy get out of prison and rather than stick to making porn movies, which is what he is used to, he decides to make snuff movies.  He wants "something real, thats never been done before, something with action".  Thats pretty much it I'm afraid.  Yup, I kid you not!

He teams up with a band of rather tasteless individuals (both male and female) and they proceed to kidnap, torture and kill 4 individuals.  Why these people pander to his every whim is anyones guess.  They are indeed very weird folk and indulge in some odd pastimes, but its a bit of a step to go from orgies and S&M to actual torture and murder.

The only remotely creepy thing about this movie is the masks worn during the torture/kill scenes.  I never have liked those semi-transparent masks with features drawn on, which is what we see here.  There is also a rather odd 'statue-like' head.  I didn't really get the validity of that.

The gorey bits are are slow and dull as the rest of the movie.  It all drags and makes you want to press the fast forward button.  It seemed to me something that teenage boys (and I mean really young teenage boys) may enjoy if they discovered it on the TV and weren't supposed to be watching it.  It has quite a bit of female nudity so boobies aplenty and I suppose there is quite a bit of blood in places, but it was one big yawnfest for me from start to finish.

Everything about it annoyed me, from the dated and irritating voice-over at the start of the movie where our main man (anti-hero if you will) explains what he's thinking, whats been going on, where he's going.... to the idiotic echoey whispering scene that forces me to actually concentrate on this dross to work out what was being said (and I still missed half of it).

Ok, so there are boobs, there is blood, there are intestines being flung about, there are amputations, there's even a drill to the eye (at least I think it was the eye), but I think this movie may have doubled as extra sleeping pills for me this evening.

There is no point to it, no message, no storyline to speak of apart from what I've described.

Do yourself a favour... don't waste your time!

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